Unfaithfulness in a marriage doesn’t have to end in divorce. Rebuilding a marriage after infidelity requires trust and patience.
Your marriage is everything to you. You and your mate share a love that’s as strong and fierce as a burning flame, and you’d want nothing more than to remain together until the breath of life leaves your body.
But, your relationship is in deep waters. One act of adultery has threatened the love holding your union together. Your marriage is in shambles, but you’re not willing to throw in the cards; you’re determined to repair what you have, and rekindle lost trust.
Rebuilding a marriage after infidelity is one of the most faith-testing and difficult things to do. It’s not an easy journey to take, but if you and your mate love each other, it’s a trek worth taking.
Like many couples, you can rebuild trust after an affair in your marriage by heeding the sound advice to follow.
Rebuilding a Marriage After Infidelity: Is it Worth It?
Search your soul.
What do you find? Does it plague you to be at odds with your mate? Do you want nothing more but to stay within the warm embrace of your spouse, despite the affair?
Have you worked tirelessly throughout the years to build a life and home with your mate? Does your mate show respect, love, and look out for your interest?
Look inward and you’ll find the answer as to whether rebuilding a marriage after infidelity is worth it.
No outsider will ever be able to offer shrewd advice on this matter, because they aren’t aware of the dealings of your heart. They don’t know your mate like you do, nor the struggles you’ve endured throughout the years to build an empire.
There’s no ideal marriage. A union is woven together by two imperfect individuals. That means a family will have problems.
If you’ve taken a conscious decision to fix your marriage, that takes grit and courage.
Maybe you’re the one who cheated, or the spouse who was cheated on. Either way, both victim and offender will need to work together to rebuild trust after an affair.
The information herein will help you do just that: save your marriage. Let’s begin with the offender, or the spouse who committed the affair.
How to Fix a Broken Marriage After Cheating
You’re the one responsible for the heartache and pain your spouse is feeling.
You’re likely hurting too, and maybe wondering how you got to this stage.
The affair happened; it’s in the past and should stay that way. It’s time to look to your future, and start rebuilding. Here’s what you need to do to rebuild trust after an affair in your marriage.
Talk about the Infidelity
Rebuilding a marriage after infidelity means talking about the affair. This step is uncomfortable, not only for you, but more so for your mate. Your spouse does not delight in knowing that you were curled up and snugged in someone else’s bed, but talking about the infidelity is a part of the healing process.
Your spouse will likely want to know who it happened with, the events leading up to the adultery, when it took place, and how it made you feel.
Your spouse might also inquire about the duration of the affair. Was it something that just happened, or were you back and forth with the individual before finally having sex? How many times did it happen?
Whatever uncomfortable questions you’re subjected to, let your spouse know everything; they deserve to.
Talking about the infidelity is not only therapeutic for you, but also your mate. They must get past this horrific stage before rebuilding can take place.
Avoid the Person you Cheated With
This is a given.
You can’t expect to rebuild your marriage and regain your mate’s trust if you continue to communicate with the individual you cheated with. This could show a lack of remorse and that you’re not necessarily ready or willing to change.
Did a child stem from the affair? This will complicate things. While you maintain friendliness with the person, you only communicate on a need to basis, and such is limited to the child involved. Your mate will likely want to know when you’re communicating with this person and what transpires.
If a baby isn’t involved, things should be easy. But, what if the person you cheated with decides to pick up a relentless pursuit because they want to have a relationship with you?
Use call blocker on your phone. It’s there for a reason. Are you friends with them on social media? Use the block user functionality.
You got yourself in this mess, now dig yourself out. Avoid communication at all costs.
Get Rid of Past Habits and Tendencies
As a rule, an affair doesn’t just happen. There were events leading up to it.
Did you get involved with a coworker? Why did it happen? Was it that you took too many risks in being alone with the individual, or were you privately going out for drinks after work? Were you working together on a project at the office and got too close?
Are you the type of person to flirt? Do you entertain dirty, intimate conversations with people on social media that you don’t even know? Do you normally visit the club without the company of your spouse? Perhaps you have developed an affinity for someone other than your spouse because of regular, intimate communication.
Something happened, and likely, your behaviour had something to do with the infidelity.
Finding out what behavior and tendencies led up to your dilemma is important if you want to rebuild trust after an affair, and avoid falling into the same trap.
Show Humility and Empathy
That’s right, show humility.
You don’t get to sit on a pedestal or high horse after cheating on your mate.
After the embarrassment and humiliation you’ve led your spouse through, you don’t get to play the hero or victim, because you aren’t.
It’s also important to put yourself in your mate’s shoes; show empathy.
How would you feel if your mate was the one who cheated? Would you have been this forgiving, even wanting to continue with the relationship? Or, would you up and leave?
Empathy also means realizing that your mate is hurting and they’re entitled to isolate themselves in the next room, feel anger, and pain.
And, the stings of infidelity don’t go away the day your mate decides to forgive you. It takes years to come to terms with.
Understand that your mate is bottled up with emotions and you need to be humble and empathetic enough so that they can deal with them. This is an important step in rebuilding a marriage after infidelity.
Do Things to Strengthen the Marriage
This isn’t the time to leave home and stay out drinking at odd hours of the night or lounging in a club. You need to be home doing things to strengthen your marriage. That’s how you rebuild trust after an affair.
If you’re out and your mate isn’t aware of your location, they could become suspicious of your activities. Leave no room for suspicion.
Doing things to strengthen your marriage also means spending time together. When was the last time you did something your mate loves?
When was the last time you both took a vacation or lounge together on a beach? When was the last time you ate a meal out?
If you’re a religious or spiritual family, try reading the Bible and praying together.
Whatever it takes, engage in activities that draw you closer to your mate, not pull you away.
Avoid Blaming Your Mate for What You Did
You’ve probably heard that it takes two to tango.
Well, not in this case. Your spouse didn’t lead you into the arms of another.
Maybe you and your spouse have become distant of late, or intimacy fell through the cracks. That does not give you ammunition to pin the blame on your mate.
You had a choice, and instead of working things out at home, you decided to be vulnerable with someone else.
Regardless of how many times you and your mate argue in a day, it’s never okay to cheat.
Strive to be a Better Person
If you don’t work to fix who you are, it’s useless rebuilding your marriage after an affair.
The old you will likely go back to what caused the affair. See this as a time to build you as an individual. When you pour into yourself, you’ll have enough to expend in your marriage.
This calls for self-evaluation. Consider deep-seated attitudes that could cause rifts, and qualities that could push your mate away, rather than pull you closer.
Could you learn to be more sympathetic and compassionate? Have you always struggled to be a better listener? Why not, with the help of your companion, work on this aspect of your marriage? Especially during this time of rebuilding, you’ll need to listen more than you speak.
Reassure Your Mate
Nothing beats reassurance. All kinds of thoughts will be rushing through your mate’s mind.
He (or she) may feel as though he contributed to the infidelity, or in some ways neglected the union. He might also feel inadequate and unloved. Your partner might even rationalize that if he (or she) was good enough, you wouldn’t have looked elsewhere for comfort.
Let your partner know how much he means to you, and the extent to which you’re willing to work to save your marriage after you’ve cheated.
As much as you express words of reassurance, reinforce them with meaningful actions.
Treat your mate to breakfast in bed, a captivating date at a fancy restaurant with a beautiful backdrop and ambience; surprise him (or her) with something he’s always wanted. Do something he loves that you hate so much and never thought about doing. Even if it brings you great discomfort, it’s the effort that counts, and the price you should be willing to pay to save your marriage.
Avoid Committing Another Act of Adultery
Yes, avoid committing another act of adultery like the plague. The worst you can do is fall into another snare.
You know what traps lie in wait to ensnare you, so why should you proceed head on over into a bird cage?
When you make every effort to not repeat the same mistake, you’re rebuilding the trust you’ve lost.
You’re also breaking a stigma: once a cheater always a cheater. Don’t allow your mate to view you in that light.
Look Ahead; Keep Moving Forward
Learn from this experience. Often, marriage mates neglect each other until they realize how easy it is to lose it all.
Don’t rely on the past. You’ve made a mistake, but your spouse is ready to give things a go. Use this opportunity to rebuild your marriage after the affair.
How to Learn to Trust Again After Being Cheated On
Betrayal by your spouse will likely cut deeper than a knife. After the affair, you’ll struggle to deal with your emotions: anger, stress, dejection, rejection, bitterness, and others.
While you’re bitter about the affair, you’re willing to rebuild your marriage and trust again. It’s going to be a bumpy ride, but you can allow yourself to heal by following the advice on how to learn to trust again after being cheated on.
Confide in a Friend
An encouraging friend who’s always available, could prove beneficial. You don’t need to share details of the infidelity, or reveal that your mate cheated to begin with, but you can let your dear friend know you could do well with some support, in however shape or form.
Seek professional help. The goal of a counselor or therapist is to help you deal with these situations. You’ll be in a safe space where you can pour out your heart.
A great idea is to seek counseling with your mate. This could unearth issues that may have led to the infidelity. However, if you’re more comfortable seeking therapy alone, that works, too.
Be Open with Your Mate
Silence is golden, but this isn’t the time to remain quiet. Talk. Talk about the affair, how it made you feel, what you think of the entire situation, and the conditions under which you’re willing to continue the relationship.
Communication is a vital step to rebuilding a marriage after Infidelity.
Resist the Urge to Be Suspicious
You’ve every bit of right to be suspicious, but it’s a bad idea to walk around with baggage that you’re actually trying to leave behind.
Trust and suspicion does not work. You won’t rebuild your marriage if you question everything your mate does or his (or her) whereabouts 24/7.
To rebuild trust after an affair, hope is an essential quality to wear around your neck. Hope that your spouse will make the right decision going forward.
Avoid Playing the Blame Game
Avoid recounting the affair. This isn’t the time to play the blame game. To harp on the infidelity means holding on to fire and expecting not to get burned.
Not playing the blame game to rebuild trust after an affair means you’ll avoid using phrases like: ‘at least I didn’t cheat’ or ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’.
This will push you away from your mate, not draw you closer.
A successful marriage consists of two good forgivers. You have to be able to look past the infidelity to get the ball going.
“Love covers a multitude of sins”, says a famous quote. If you truly love your mate, and want to rebuild, you’ll learn to cultivate the beautiful quality of forgiveness.
This cannot be expressed enough, but a marriage involves 2 people. You both need to be working together to rebuild the trust that once was.
Working together also means taking communication to the next level, being more transparent and open, and learning what’s needed to create a prosperous relationship.
Rebuilding a marriage after an affair will take time, a great deal of effort, forgiveness, and determination, but it’s possible. Countless couples have done it, and you can too.